Stupid Books That Have Ruined My Boomerang Collection

In the words of my all-time favorite author, Daniel Handler (better known as Lemony Snicket):

"Of course, it is boring to read about boring things, but it is better to read something that makes you yawn with boredom than something that will make you weep uncontrollably, pound your fists against the floor, and leave tearstains all over your pillowcase, sheets, and boomerang collection." 

   I always thought that this quote was kind of funny and of course, characteristic of classic Handler writing with it's blatant honesty and awkward juxtaposition that always brings a slight comedic element in at the very end of the statement. I have to say that lately, the stories that we've been reading for this English class have really been reminding me of this particular quote from the Grim Grotto. For example, reading Atonement; I don't know how many of you read this book, but those of you who have (or even just watched the movie), know that the ending is literally the worst thing that has ever been put in the denouement of any book that you have ever experienced in your entire life. I think it's twelve times better to read a horribly boring book, like Moby Dick for example, where you don't get attached to any of the characters or the plot line...where you struggle just to stay awake for the duration of a page, than one like Atonement where you're completely drawn into the plot and you're almost certain that everything is going to turn out okay and then BAM! - everybody dies and justice isn't served and you sit at your desk crying a little and have to watch a small marathon of The Office to try and forget that none of it ever happened. But guess what? It did. That book raped your happiness, and now the ten hours of your life that it took to read it completely though, crappy denoument included, will NEVER be returned. At least you can feel productive about the infinity hours that it took to read Moby Dick because you've just exposed yourself to a classic and therefore, by default, are some kind of literary scholar genius type thing. And you don't have to waste additional time watching The Office to cheer you up. 

   Seriously, though...we've read three short stories in our anthologies; The first ended with a man being forced to murder a psychopath in order to save his own life, the second with a man who turned into a dark and dangerous killer because of the horrible and unjust oppression that ripped his innocence and purity away from him, and the third with a poor old man getting his beautiful home (which was all he really had left) completely destroyed and torn from its foundations by a chuckling taxi driver. Look, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that these stories tore me apart inside like Atonement did, because that's called "sucking up". However, I do think it's about time for a story with a decent ending...even if it is just for kicks and giggles.