College Essays and How I am Not Inspired

       Right now I am convinced that I am the only person in the world who has procrastinated their college admission's essays. The past few months I have justified my procrastination as acceptable for several reasons: Firstly, I am only applying to one college. Secondly, I don't even want to go to college. Thirdly, I've already written enough scholarship essays and I don't see how I could possibly take any more essay-writing torture. Fourthly (if 'fourthly' is in fact a word), I can't imagine how my writing, especially with those terrible essay prompts, would especially charm any admissions officer over any other essay that has been written thus far by students who are far more eloquent writers than myself. But before you start judging me too harshly, just know that my situation isn't completely terrible - I've already finished 2 of the 3 admissions essays. What makes that third essay so hard to write is the fact that nothing I have learned in school has ever really inspired me, and so now I have absolutely no truthful way to address the prompt. In fact, I don't think that school has ever inspired me at all. I am hardly ever interested in the facts and concepts that we are forced to sit in a classroom and learn every day...in fact, I have a hard time even being interested at all. What really inspires me are people and what I see them do in the every day world; they overcome struggles, invent things, help others...just all of this stuff. I even think that my teachers are inspiring because how on earth does somebody stand in a class room and handle a bunch of teenagers who would very obviously rather be doing something else? And how does somebody read through 60 different essays on the exact same topic when the handwriting is barely even legible? I don't even know but it blows my mind. Another thing that inspires me is technology like computers and cell phones because how does somebody even come up with that stuff? It's just crazy. But see, I never actually learned about these things in school. So yeah, I'm still in an essay writing rut.

My Deepest and Most Revealing Feelings About First Semester in AP English Literature

      I'm going to start out on a positive note by sharing all of the things that I have especially liked about AP English Literature this year. Firstly, I enjoy blogging. In the rare occasion that I actually have something that I feel is worth writing, I think that it is really nice being able to write and share it. Blogs are also a really easy 30/30 in the grade book, so I think that it's all just a win-win situation. It's fun to do some no-pressure writing every once in a while! I also really like being able to listen to the class discussions every time we read a book. It kind of fascinates me how complex everybody's thought trains are when it comes to interpreting those stories, especially since I tend to only see the most rudimentary details. Thirdly, I absolutely positively love the fact that our final is based solely off of a presentation dealing with a topic that we are actually interested in. Not only is this stress free, it is also really fascinating and I really like having the option to choose which books I want to read.
      And now for my hate paragraph. I hate essays. I hate sitting in front of a computer for twelve years fumbling over which adjective to use and how to not sound redundant, because quite frankly, sometimes I have a lot of trouble writing multiple pages about a book that I didn't even enjoy. I also hate turnitin.com. Here is why: access to the internet is a huge variability among students. I, for one, only have one computer in my household. It is shared with four other busy family members. In many instances, getting myself a turn on  the computer is both inconvenient and frustrating. Furthermore, what if your internet crashes? It isn't a dependable source for a lot of people, including myself, and I think that the extra struggle is extremely unfair. For example, tonight I am writing my blog at 11:44 pm because that is when my sister happened to finish doing her research project. I would much rather be sleeping. But besides excessive internet requirements and difficult essays, there really isn't that much that I dislike about AP English at the moment.
    Ending on a positive note, I think that this has been a really productive semester. I felt challenged every day in class and things never really got boring. I especially enjoyed the drama unit, which was discussed in my last blog. I am really looking forwards to next semester (with exception to the AP test).

A Reflection On the Drama Unit

      The drama unit has been by far my favorite yet. I'm not going to lie, a good half of the reason is because we got to spend time doing a lot of watching rather than a lot of reading. However, this isn't to say that I didn't enjoy reading Hamlet or Oedipus. I think that Hamlet would have actually been a really fun read, had it not been for the middle English and me struggling to understand half of the words. But hey, what's AP English without a challenge? I also think that the whole discussion items thing was a really nice way for me to be able to take some time to understand what was going on in the book a little bit better. Rather than having to sit there with a translator next to me all night while I was reading, and then proceeding to freak out because I knew we had a quiz coming, I could just clarify my misunderstandings and interpretations in class with my fellow students. It's also a much easier way to be able to involve yourself in discussion without having to not be shy or scared of saying something stupid in front of the entire class.
     Secondly, I thought that The Importance of Being Earnest was absolutely marvelous! Particularly the part where we got to actually watch the video. It was a fun way for me to be able to see all of the elements of satire in action without actually having to read. Especially for this play, reading would not have been able to have the same effect as seeing the actors actually performing the script on stage. I say this especially because the funniest part of play - by far - was Cecily's crazy fantasies of ponies and people dressed in flowered garments playing pan flutes and minstrel music. That level of cheesiness is definitely my type of humor.

I'm Not Actually A Potato In Case There Was Any Confusion.

      I love satire, but I can't really think of anything that I want to write about it. I'm not even kidding, I've been staring at my computer screen for the past ten minutes trying to think of something witty that I could do with the topic, but tonight is one of those times where after a week of no sleep, there's pretty much no way that anything creative is going to come out of my mind. College applications and projects and tests and practice every night have dulled me down to a point of where I would rather just go to my backyard, lay down in my garden, and pretend I'm a potato until eventually the rest of the world, including myself, forgets that I'm not a potato, and I actually think that would be a really happy life in comparison to what is being inflicted upon some of us right now in the academic field. However, complaining doesn't have much to do with English class, so here's some stuff on my favorite satire:

     Parody movies are probably the best when they're not overdone. The best example of this, at least in my book, is the movie Space Balls. I also enjoy the kind of satire found on Saturday Night Live, which is why I'm always parked in front of the television from the hours of 11:30 to 12:45 every Saturday night with few to no exceptions. Reading satire is okay, but only when it is strong enough for the reader to know that it is actually satire. Otherwise I kind of sit there and go back and forth between if it's real or not and then eventually bam! Not even funny anymore. The debating going on inside my head ruined it. Sarcasm is a type of satire that I often times use myself because I have a dark soul and I just can't help that. But you know what really irks me? When people use sarcasm over text. It doesn't work that way, you guys! Tone of voice is the key to making sarcasm obvious, so when it's typed on a text message and nobody is actually saying it, don't expect me to understand that you're joking. But anyways, that's about all I have to say about satire.

The End.

Why I Procrastinate

    Teacher's are always quick to assume that procrastination by a student is a direct product of that student's laziness, lack of motivation, or complete indifference to the subject at hand. Well, I have a different view. I believe that we all procrastinate for different reasons. Here is mine:

I don't entirely believe in reality.

Of course, I probably owe a little bit of explanation on behalf of my blatant statement. It's why I can't ever bring myself to do urgent homework assignments or do things that I don't particularly enjoy at all without much forcing on the behalf of my own guilt as well as the ever impeding parental unit. Yes, I am capable of forcing myself through such tasks, but hardly ever when it is in place of playing a piece of music or just going outside and staring at the sky. 

The great philosopher Rene Descartes suggested that all we can really know and believe in is our own consciousness. The more I am pushed towards extensive amounts of work that I have no interest in, the more I think to myself "So what if I don't do it?". Then there's the question of if it really even exists...if it really even matters. Yes, the work exists within my own consciousness, but, since it exists only in my own consciousness, couldn't I make it cease to exist? And here's the deal; I am completely in love with life. Whether this entire world is reality or not, I want to soak it all in. I want to be outside and hear music and enjoy every little aspect of it that my soul pleases. I think it is a sin to waste the limited time that I have been gifted in whatever this marvelous dream is that I'm living in doing things that I detest, like sitting in front of a computer for hours writing essays and blogs or buried in a textbook filled with subject matter that I am nothing but indifferent to. Especially when outside there is a sunset that is made up of all my favorite colors and I'm sitting here missing it all.

But the problem is, What if all of this is real? If it's definitely not a dream or anything inside my head and I am never going to wake up from it? Then I suppose I will have to face the consequences of my actions. However, this is a thought that for now, I can not really bear to think of, and it is the fear that arises from such a thought that still keeps me half way on track.

Most Beautiful Words In the English Language

    The topic of beauty is really open ended since it can describe almost anything. So if we're talking about words being beautiful, the real question is what about them do we find beautiful? Is it the way they look? The way they sound? Their meaning? Or maybe even all of the above. For me, it is what the word reminds me of.  I'm not the kind of person who sits there, hears a word, and thinks "Whoa that sounds nice", unless of course I am in French class. Every word sounds nice in French class (except for the really awkward ones that are meant to be pronounced in what sounds like an obnoxious grunt). I'm also pretty sure that unless it's written in beautiful ink-and-quill cursive, we rarely decide to think that a word is aesthetically pleasing.

    That being said, "What are Becky Smiley's favorite words?" you may ask yourself. Well, I enjoy many different words, but my favorite 9 are as follows:

1. Toaster: I like the word "toaster" because it reminds me of toaster waffles. Toaster waffles remind me of snow days, Christmas, and dental floss, all three of which are nice things to have in life.

2. Dental: The word "dental" reminds me of cool mints. Cool mint is nice because it makes your breath smell pleasant. When your breath smells pleasant, you are much easier to talk to. Also the word reminds me of those fun mornings at the orthodontist where I would miss math class and chill with my favorite dental technician who just so happened to look like Justin Timberlake. Who doesn't enjoy Justin Timberlake?

3. Birthday: My birthday is my favorite holiday of the year. It happened on Monday, in case anybody was wondering.

4. Caspian: Caspian is more of a title than a word, but it reminds me of Narnia, the ocean, and talking squirrels.

5. Sleep: Sleeping is my favorite activity. Thanks to work and school, I don't get much of it. When I am asleep, I am always calm and peaceful. This is mostly because I am unconscious.

6. Llama: I enjoy this word because llamas are my favorite animal and it reminds me of llamas. Also, a lot of things rhyme with it.

7. Music: The word "music" reminds me of pretty much everything in life that I enjoy. In fact, I think the biggest problem with life is that it doesn't have theme music like in the movies. It also reminds me of playing guitar on my back porch in the summer and drinking kool-aid.

8. Ocean: I can't actually pin point what I like about this word. It's just so expansive and vague seeming. It also reminds me of blue...but like...the pretty kind of clear crystal blue and the deep kind of blue. I'm not good at naming colors.

9. Rock: "Rock" is another one of those words that I can't pin point. It reminds me of a lot of things, most namely reefs and oceans. However, it also just kind of sounds really solid; it's another one of those words that sounds exactly like what it means. When someone tells you to picture rocks, there's just so much you can do with that; there's statues, beaches on the northeastern coast, cliffs, mountains, crystals, etc. I also enjoy climbing, which is very relevant to rocks.

Things That I Enjoy About AP English.

   I hate writing literary analysis papers. But then again...who doesn't?! I will admit though, there are far worse things. Most namely world hunger, the clubbing of baby seals in Canada, splinters, and - by far the worst of all - restrictive seating arrangements.

    This is my first year at Dunbar, so naturally I'm not quite accustomed to the ways of the school yet. For example, it's really hard spending your entire life having the liberty to move your chair in and out of your desk as you please in each and every class, and then having that right instantly stripped away from you with those stupid chair-attached-to-desk thingies with the annoying bar on the right hand side that messes you over if you happen to drop your pencil or something. In a normal school, when you drop your pencil, you can simply slide your chair out from the desk, reach over, and retrieve your fallen object. But nooooo, not at Dunbar! If your pencil drops on the wrong side here, you have to get all the way out of your seat, walk around the row of desks, retrieve your pencil, walk all the way back, and then sit down casually like you didn't just interrupt the teacher in the middle of their sentence. This is why I like English class. I don't even care how boring it gets at times so long as I have a chair that is not attached to my desk by a stupid bar. In English class, I feel safe and warm inside being able to have the security of knowing that my freedom to move has not been restricted. So thank you, for that.